Ending the Blame Game
Blame is a toxic problem in any relationship, and one that many couples default to without even realizing that they are doing it.
You blame your partner for the fight you’re having. Your partner blames you for the mess of your finances or the mess of your house. You blame your partner for never being home. You partner blames you for the lack of sex you’re having.
And the cycle goes on and on.
This is why it is so important that if you and your partner are playing the blame game that you find new and better ways to interact with one another.
Blame gives the illusion of a solution!
Certainly, this is a hard cycle to break, especially because blame lulls you into a false sense that the problem is solved. When you think you know who is to blame, then you inaccurately convince yourself that you have fixed the problem in your relationship.
It starts with believing two common lies we tell ourselves.
#1. The deserved it!
#2. Now they know how I feel!
These two myths allow us to feel justified in blaming our partner and take a twisted sense of comfort in inflicting pain back. What we fail to realize when we believe these lies, though, is that we’re working against ourselves and what we really want – which is to be in a loving partnership.
Cooperation, creativity, and commitment are the keys to fixing any problem you might encounter. These elements allow you to work together as a team, as partners, to tackle anything that life might throw at you.
Ending the blame game is a choice!
While blame eliminates any hope of cooperation, creativity, and commitment, you can and should make a different choice.
When you feel the impulse to blame your partner for something that’s going wrong in your relationship, ask yourself instead –
In this moment, am I more interested in hurling blame or actually finding a solution?
The answer to this question will set your relationship on a course toward continued toxicity or toward starting to heal.